How do I tell my children I have Multiple Myeloma

Talking to Your Children About Your Multiple Myeloma Diagnosis

This is one of the hardest conversations you'll have, and it's natural to feel anxious about it. Here's some guidance to help you approach this thoughtfully.

Key Principles for the Conversation

Be honest but age-appropriate. Children sense when adults aren't being truthful, which can increase anxiety. At the same time, you don't need to share every medical detail. The goal is to help them understand what's happening in a way they can process.

Use simple, clear language. Avoid medical jargon, or explain it simply: "I have a disease called multiple myeloma, which means some of my blood cells aren't working the way they should. My doctors are helping me get better."

Reassure them about what's NOT their fault. Children often worry they caused the illness or that it's contagious. Be clear: "This is not something you did. You cannot catch this from me. This happened because of changes in my body that doctors are treating."

What to Say (Adjusted by Age)

Young children (5-8 years):

• Keep it very simple: "Mommy/Daddy is sick, but doctors are helping me feel better."
• Focus on what they'll notice: "I might be tired sometimes" or "I might go to the hospital for treatments."
• Emphasize continuity: "I will still be here for you. We'll still do [favorite activity] together."

Older children (9-12 years):

• Give more detail: "I have multiple myeloma, which is a type of blood cancer. It means some of my blood cells are sick."
• Explain treatment simply: "My doctors have medicines that will help fight this. I'll need to go to appointments and sometimes have treatments that might make me tired."
• Address their specific concerns: "Will you die?" (Answer honestly: "My doctors are working hard to treat this. Many people live a long time with this disease.")

Teenagers:

• They can handle more medical information. You might say: "I've been diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a cancer that starts in bone marrow. The good news is there are many treatment options, and I'm working with specialists."
• Be honest about uncertainty: "We don't know exactly how this will go, but my doctors have a plan."
• Acknowledge their feelings: "This is scary for me too, and it's okay if you have big feelings about it."

What to Include

✓ What's happening: A simple explanation of the diagnosis
✓ What comes next: "I'll have doctor visits and treatments"
✓ How it might affect them: "I might be tired sometimes" or "I might miss some activities"
✓ That you're getting help: "I have good doctors helping me"
✓ That it's not their responsibility: "This is not your job to fix or worry about"
✓ That they can ask questions: "You can ask me anything, and I'll try to answer"

What NOT to Do

✗ Don't wait until you're in crisis to tell them
✗ Don't share your worst fears or prognosis uncertainties
✗ Don't make them feel responsible for your emotional support
✗ Don't pretend everything is fine if they can see you're struggling
✗ Don't answer questions you don't know the answer to—say "I don't know, but I'll find out"

After the Conversation

Watch for changes in behavior. Children may act out, become withdrawn, have trouble sleeping, or regress (younger behavior). This is normal. Consider counseling if changes are significant.

Keep routines stable. Continue normal activities, rules, and family rhythms as much as possible. This provides security.

Update them as things change. Don't have one conversation and then go silent. Brief, regular updates help them feel included and reduce anxiety from the unknown.

Let them help (age-appropriately). Some children feel better when they can contribute—whether that's helping with a task or just spending time with you.

Take care of yourself. Children are very perceptive. When you're managing your own emotions and getting support, they feel safer.

Resources That Might Help

According to the NCCN Guidelines for Patients: Multiple Myeloma, while there isn't a cure yet, new treatments are giving people more hope and more years to live. This is important context—your diagnosis is serious, but it's also treatable, and many people live well with this disease for years.

You might also consider:

• Books written for children about a parent's cancer diagnosis (your hospital social worker may have recommendations)
• Family counseling to help everyone process this together
• Support groups for cancer patients and families

A Final Thought

Your children love you. They want to understand what's happening so they can support you and feel less scared. Having this conversation—even though it's hard—actually helps them feel more secure than being left in the dark. You're doing the right thing by thinking carefully about how to approach this.

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This information is for educational purposes only. Always consult your healthcare team for personalized medical advice and decisions.